By the time I was 18, I was desperate to leave my parent’s house. Teenage rebellion and my inherent stubbornness screamed for independence. Once I graduated high school, the summer before college stretched on for eternity. I was waiting to get out. The one-hour distance from home was seemingly short, but for a newly free teenager, it was enough. After a lot of mistakes due to my newfound freedom, I found myself back at home and haven’t left since.
Yes, a lot of it is in part financial. A lot are decisions that fell through. But more important, it is an issue of circumstance. Right after I graduated college I was ready to move out and even started looking at apartments with my best friend. That was soon cut short as I found out I was pregnant. I thought, “Oh great. Now I’m never going to leave and be on my own.” I never imagined I’d marry my son’s father. That wasn’t something I wanted for myself, and although we tried to repair our relationship, I knew he wasn’t the one I wanted to be with forever. So I knew I was stuck.
There was no way I could afford living on my own with a little one. And I knew there was no way my parents would be comfortable with our safety at risk or the struggle I’d have to endure living in near poverty. I especially knew with my mental health struggles it wouldn’t be a good decision to leave. The stress of overcoming those issues coupled with single mom life would’ve been too big of a hit to my well-being. My parents were excited and were more than happy to have us stay. It’s since been two and a half years and overall, the situation is okay.
My relationship with my parents hasn’t always been the best. It always fluctuates because I still struggle for autonomy. They still see me as their child and that’s a tough mindset to break. Boundaries are not their strong suit.
I’m still a person. I like to go out with my friends. I volunteer. I do schoolwork. Sometimes I just want to have fun, and sometimes they don’t like me to be anywhere but home. I do my best to hold off on my leisure time for the weekends when my son is with his dad. I don’t like to burden my parents with babysitting duty, but they do accommodate when they’re available. The big plus of living at home with my son is that they’re my immediate back-up. If I have a lot of work to do, they’re there to entertain him. They play with him and take him outside. I trust them in their ability to take care of him.
For the longest time, I felt like a failure for still living with my parents. I would see friends and family getting married, having kids, or moving to different states and would feel jealous. The more I reflected, the more I grew to appreciate my circumstance. I realized that not everyone’s path is precise. No two people’s journey are the same.
I also felt this way when I was in school. It took me six years to get my bachelor’s, and I was like, “Okay, everyone around me is on the straight and narrow. Why is this so hard for me?” This, too, is my experience on the situation. I know it’s not going to be forever. Right now I’m taking measures to ensure we’ll have a place of our own someday and that includes furthering my education and saving rigidly. Before, it used to be about drinking $12 cocktails or buying expensive makeup, but now it’s saving for my future and getting my son what he needs.
Although our relationship is constantly changing, I’ve learned to love my parents no matter what. They’re always there for me, and I know they care deeply about me, even if they don’t always show it. When they tell me what to do, it’s for a reason. When they give me advice, I’m going to do what I think is best, but I always consider what they have to say before I make a decision.
I’m comfortable where I’m at in my life right now. It’s been a long road of acceptance, but I’m very fortunate to have parent’s that allow me to live with them. I know the bond my son has now with his grandparents will carry on in the future when we’re out on our own. I’m so grateful for the relationship that’s developed between them and the one between us is stronger.
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