This editorial series, S-E-X, is brought to you by the Fort Worth Moms Blog and Andrea Palmer, MD FACOG with Fenom Women’s Care. All 15 original articles from the S-E-X series can be found on our website.
Ugh. The dreaded sex talk.
That’s what a lot of parents have in their minds when talking to their children about a normal human occurrence. There are billions of people living on this planet — with more on the way — and yet parents are still scared to talk about sex after all this time.
When did this happen? How did our socialization change from viewing sex as a natural affair to a taboo subject? My son is only one, but I think about our future together quite a bit. I imagine him falling in love and one day having a child of his own. Although this is far, far down the line, it’s crossed my mind how I would approach him about sex. Me, a woman? Talking to my male son about sex? Yes. I know it may be a radical notion to have sex explained by the opposite gender, but it’s necessary.
In our current social climate, I find it my duty to raise a respectful, honorable man who will treat his partner with reverence and dignity when it comes to relationships and sex.
Normalizing the Sex Talk
Growing up, my mother was always open with me when it came to talking about sex. She never sugar-coated anything, meaning she called body parts exactly what they were, told me how babies were made, and even talked about STDs and how they’re contracted. She pleaded for me to let her know when I started having sex, so she could take me to the clinic and get on birth control. Because of her candidness, I successfully avoided pregnancy throughout high school and college.
I think in the back of her mind she knew I would make my own choices, regardless of how much she didn’t want me out there having sex. She knew it was going to happen; I mean, look at me! All jokes aside, her candor saved me from getting pregnant at 15. She was truly looking out for me and putting her judgment aside to make sure I didn’t spoil my life. I am thankful, blessed, relieved, grateful, and all the other appreciative words you can think of that my mother would put me on birth control at that age.
Talking about sex shouldn’t be embarrassing. The more comfortable we are with sharing this ideology with our kids, the safer they will be. I pray for my son’s safety regularly. I wish him nothing but happiness and good health. What kind of mother would I be if I never talked to him about the dangers of unprotected sex? Or about sexual harassment? Sex education is not just about what pleasures we gain from it, but also about sexual health and family planning. The aim of sexual education is to foster healthy sex practices. For our children’s sake, the outdated version of the dreaded sex talk has to change.
Consent Is Crucial
I think one major component most parents fail to communicate to their children is consent to sexual encounters. We’ve all seen what’s going on in the news with Billy Cosby, Donald Trump, and Larry Nassar. Each of these stories is different but carries similar threads. Whether it’s by coercing, drugging, or taking advantage of minors, the perpetrator believes it’s okay to have sex without consent.
Before a baby is even born, society assigns gender roles. These roles are enforced by the child’s peers and community. Holding children to certain standards of what society perceives as “male” and “female” creates unneeded stress, especially when it comes to sex. Men are supposed to be machismo, burly men whose role it is to dominate the female. Women are the damsels in distress, waiting on their knights in shining armor to slay the dragons and free them from imprisonment. Women are not supposed to like sex, and men are supposed to want sex at all times.
It’s because of these rigid dichotomies that children grow up confused about sex roles. Now, I’m not implying that men are always at fault when it comes to consent. Women are guilty too, but it’s predominantly a male-centric issue. I’m hoping, dear reader, that when the times comes to talk to your child about sex, consent is a part of your discussion. Now more than ever, our children need to be protected from predators who feel their bodies are free game. Our children have agency and will one day have sexual agency, whether we like it or not. It’s our job to make sure they are happy, healthy, and safe.
