I love you more than words can ever express. You are the backbone of our family. You are my biggest cheerleader, and I can’t begin to imagine what life would be like without you. But sometimes I worry that I’ll be faced with the unthinkable.
You see, I have this aching feeling deep down in my heart that I don’t deserve you. That I’m not living up to my vows and being the very best wife I can be. I often wonder why you still want to share your life with me. Yes, admittedly, I’m a great mom, but I know that I’m not being the wife you deserve and that’s not fair to you.
The first step is acknowledging it right? But, I haven’t figured out how to fix it . . . yet.
Before readers start thinking that I’m being unfaithful, that’s absolutely not the case, at least not in the conventional way. There’s absolutely nothing deceitful I’m doing behind your back. It’s not like that at all. It’s all happening right before your eyes and maybe that makes it even worse.
You haven’t come right out and said it, but I know that you feel it. Even though we’re several years into parenthood, I haven’t yet figured out how to share my attention, affection, and acts of love between you and our daughter.
When I come home from being gone all day, I hug and kiss her first. I ask her about her day. And then, when I’m done, I turn my attention to you. Is that fair? Not at all and I know that.
Do I love our child more than I love you? Absolutely not! But, does she get the bulk of my outward attention and affection on a daily basis? Yes, absolutely. There are a million ways I can justify it but at the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter. I know you deserve more. Believe me, it’s on my mind on a daily basis.
So, what do we do? Let me rephrase that — what do I do? Because despite what you probably think, you’re not doing anything wrong. The best thing I can tell you is that I’m trying. I’m aware that my actions aren’t fair to you, I want to fix them.
Is it going to be an overnight fix? No. Am I going to continue to “favor” her over you? More than likely. BUT, I’m aware of my mistakes, and I love you more than anything so I want to make it right. I don’t want to be another statistic. And so, I leave you with the most that I can do for right now . . .
“I promise to try and do better.” And I hope that’s enough.