Clear Expectations for My Kids and Yours

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Newsflash: Your child is not perfect. And NEITHER ARE MINE. It’s time we all take a deep breath and digest this little factoid in order to start to move forward with the plan of how to handle this breaking news. Let’s set some REAL expectations.

If we’re being honest, kids can be real jerks. And it’s our job to shape these little tyrants into contributing members of society. Discipline is a hot-button topic among parents and deciding how you will handle tantrums, hitting, or, ahem, ill-timed cursing is an ever-evolving process.

When I was a new mom, MAN, did I struggle. I read countless books. I scoured the Internet with searches like “what to do when your kid keeps repeating damn it,” or “my kid won’t stop screaming in the car and I might explode.” 

I questioned friends and colleagues and began hoarding these wisdoms like a squirrel hoards a nut. And what did I begin to realize? The kids with the worst behavior had parents who did very little to curb their children’s nonsensical behaviors.

It takes firm parenting to raise a child to be respectful.Armed with this knowledge and determined to ensure I wasn’t raising little jerks who would grow up with entitlement problems, I began to feel more comfortable flexing my discipline muscle. In our house, we have rules, boundaries, and consequences. My kids hear the word “no” on the regular. I’m not afraid to remove them from an activity or playdate when they can’t get it together. I believe saying no and creating and adhering to behavioral boundaries teaches them that adults are in charge because, well — THEY ARE.

In so many parents, I’ve observed a very real fear of discipline with the unspoken underlying worry that disciplining your child is one step away from child abuse. But the truth? Children crave our guidance and rules. Without structure and discipline, children won’t develop self-control. They will gradually come to lack respect for adult authority. Without guidance, they may not truly understand what constitutes appropriate behavior. And you know what? They are simply not good company. Children overindulged by lack of rules may be selfish and difficult to play with.  

The fact that our children have made a choice or acted inappropriately is not necessarily a reflection of our parenting. Pretty much every child in the history of ever has experimented with a well-timed tantrum or kick. But you know what is a reflection on our parenting? The manner in which we choose to deal with the situation. Showing our children there are consequences for all behavior is essential to teaching our children to be contributing members of society.

Guys, I have worked tirelessly to evoke good manners and behaviors in my children. I have fought the good fight and dug my heels in with all the strength I could muster. I have driven home serenaded by the sounds of squealing because I refused to buy a toy at our neighborhood Target. And it is HARD. Guiding children by way of setting boundaries is always more difficult than giving in. It just is. But if you can power through the tears, you and your child will reap the rewards.

And frankly, because we have worked so hard to establish expectations for behavior, I’m not going to hang back and allow my children to be punished for following the rules. 

If I need to step in and regulate the 10 and under crowd at the playground, girl, you know I will.  

If a child refuses to wait in line for the slide and continuously pushes his way to the front, you can bet I will march on over and remind the little precious one that he may join the line like the other children. If a tiny cherub is throwing sand at his peers, you can bet I will step in and outline the expectations for behavior in a public place.  

I will be polite and respectful when I speak to your child, and I hope you would feel comfortable to do the same should the situation be reversed. Because let’s be real — my babies are no angels. If I’m not close enough to hear or see them dishing out the nonsense, I welcome you to set them straight.

My kids respect, and even love, the adults in their lives who put them in their place, and I appreciate those friends who are comfortable helping me to raise them with a clear expectation of what constitutes appropriate behavior.  

Don’t get be wrong. I’m not gunning to become the unofficial playground patrol — nor do I want you to assume the role. But motherhood is HARD. Raising little humans is no walk in the park. I truly believe it takes a village, and I don’t know about you, but I want a village. I want the village supporting me and helping to guide my children through both joyful and challenging situations.  

So, please. If you see my children pulling hair or throwing toys, feel free to remind them of our expectations. Know I will gladly do the same for you in a respectful and teaching manner.

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Amanda
Amanda is a New York girl living in a Texas world. In 2009, she followed her heart to the Lone Star state to Mansfield. She is wife to Timothy, and mother to Ryann and Grey. They love traveling and hunkering down at home with equal passion. Amanda is a speech pathologist by day and the maker of snacks, giver of baths, and the reader of bedtime stories by night. A lover of food and health, she spends an alarming amount of time researching plant-based recipes, experimenting in her perpetually messy kitchen, and of course, subjecting her family to the fruits of her labor. When not portioning out perfectly even snacks, you can find her at Orange Theory Fitness, in the Starbucks drive-thru line, reading anything, daydreaming about date nights, and planning the Fyfe family’s next adventure.

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