Being “That Parent”

Let’s face it, we all “change” after we have kids. Life BK (before kids) we would swear to NEVER bribe our kids. Life AK (after kids) you realize that sometimes, bribery is the only thing you got left in your bag of tricks by the end of the day. I own it. I have bribed my kids before, and I am sure I will again. Can I get an amen? What I didn’t set out to be was “that parent,” but yet, here I am.

There are days I would rather be ANYTHING but “that parent,” but quite honestly, I wasn’t given a choice. Being “that parent” found me. I really have zero choice but to accept it and move on. Trust me, I have tried, but hiding in my closet eating a pint of my favorite ice cream all day isn’t socially acceptable, now is it?

Now, before you get riled up about, “Oh, dear, she’s one of ‘those’ parents,” let me explain what I mean.  

I never wanted to be “that parent” who friends turned to for advice because their own child or a friend’s child was on the verge of being kicked out of the daycare for poor behavior — I’m talking hour-long meltdowns at daycare, fits at home, and extreme behaviors that normal “sticker chart/time out” discipline wouldn’t even remotely touch. Behavior that was so extreme and unpredictable that staying home was just the better option. But, that was me.

I never wanted to be “that parent” who others referred their friends to for recommendations on therapists that work with four year olds. The one mom who knew where to find the perfect fit, how to get insurance to approve visits, and how to know when the one you are seeing isn’t helping your child. But that, too, was me.

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I never wanted to be “that parent” who knew that the wait list for a psychological evaluation for a five year old would/could/does take seven to 12 months. And the worst part is when they have an immediate opening for your child but do not take your insurance. The cost of a full evaluation isn’t exactly pocket change and can be thousands of dollars. Decisions on whether to pay the whole bill in full on your own, or pay the mortgage that month, have to be made. But, I found myself saying, yep, that’s me . . . I am “that parent.”

I never wanted to be “that parent” who met her $5,500 deductible in 32 days, paid $850 (out of pocket) for one medication each month, and knew the ins and outs of healthcare options like she knew the alphabet. There are times that I sometimes wonder if I should just quit teaching and become an insurance broker. Knowing “healthcare” language is like knowing a foreign language. But, you guessed it, I am “that parent.”

I never wanted to be “that parent” who got phone call after phone call about my child’s behavior from school. Thankfully, my husband fielded most of those calls. Pretty sure the school had us on speed dial, and only speed dial, because Alexa hadn’t been invented yet. Being the parent of a kid who is infamous is hard. You feel judged when you go to the PTA meetings or any school functions. When your child is the one that has to be carried off the stage during a performance because of a meltdown, you most certainly become “that parent.”

I never wanted to be “that parent” who knew where to find the best children’s psychiatrist, therapies beyond counseling, outpatient programs, and inpatient programs.  

I never wanted to be “that parent” who knew the names of a million and one medications, their side effects, their cost, and their benefits.

I never wanted to be “that parent” who hung her head and cried because her child couldn’t make/keep friends. I really don’t blame the other kids, though. They really did try, but my kid sure didn’t make it easy on them or him.

I never wanted to be “that parent” who had to advocate with the school, doctors, and insurance just to make sure that he got what he needed. It doesn’t always make you friends, but it is something that your child deserves and needs to thrive. And, I am almost certain most moms would do the same. Who needs more friends, right?  

And while I never envisioned my journey in motherhood to look anything like I have described, I am so grateful that it has. It has taught me a lot about empathy for others; learning how to celebrate the smaller victories in life; and appreciating all my children for who they are and not what the world thinks they should be.  

But, I must admit, one of my FAVORITE parts is being “that parent.” It allows me to help other mommas that are going through similar struggles by sharing our journey, the hills and the valleys. I have met wonderful “warrior mommas” along the way. I have discovered that I am much tougher than I look.  

We have ran a marathon, and at times still do, and have lived to tell about it. I have cried rivers of tears of sadness and anger. I have learned to celebrate the “small” things. And I have even learned to embrace being “that parent.”

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