Surviving Life with a Traveling Spouse

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For the last two or three years, my husband has traveled here and there for work, with trips usually lasting around seven to 12 days. A few years into a start-up he was involved with, things began to shift, and bad decisions were made (outside of his jurisdiction). It became evident he needed to move on. 

Over the summer, my husband managed to get three offers on the table with three great companies. He narrowed it down and accepted an offer, with a requirement of eight weeks of training in Pennsylvania. That eight weeks quickly turned into nine weeks. And nine eventually turned into 10 . . . in four months. This was, by and far, the most he has traveled in our eight years of marriage and six years as parents. While I had my share of emotional breakdowns from the grueling hours of continuous mothering and lack of connection with my husband, I also learned a few ways to thrive, not just survive, this exhausting season. 

Keep It Simple, Stupid

Maybe it’s because The Office was on during my formative years of college, but whenever I’m making decisions, Dwight Shrute and Michael Scott are always in my ear with their “keep it simple, stupid” advice. This advice comes in many forms when parenting while a spouse is traveling. We planned less pre- and post-bedtime activities while he was gone, we enjoyed more free-play with or without electronics, and meal plans were simplified. Since this season of ours was an extended one, we had to get out of the Chick-fil-a or McDonald’s survival mode we started in. We couldn’t go 12 weeks without eating a vegetable, not to mention the fact I feel best when I follow a paleo diet. But with no off-time, my physical reserve was often incredibly low once it was time to cook.

Solution? Keep it simple, stupid. I found three to four easy recipes to keep on rotation, taking shortcuts where I could (i.e. pre-spiralized veggies, packaged cauliflower rice, etc), used my Instant Pot as much as possible, and doubled recipes of the really good stuff. For instance, this paleo curry chicken salad recipe by Against All Grain is my absolute favorite because it’s so flexible. (Although I usually omit grapes because slicing them is so tedious.) I separate the chicken salad into two sections, one with curry powder and one without for leftovers. Next day I serve the leftover batch into a bowl, cover it in hot sauce, and — boom — it’s a totally different meal.

More easy paleo recipes:

Get Help When Help Is Needed

Our closest family members live more than 600 miles away. Calling in grandparents for reinforcements just isn’t feasible without months of advance notice. Due to the extensive nature of this traveling season, it was wholly necessary for me to have help, especially in the evenings. Evenings are HARD. We’re all exhausted, and the sprint to bedtime with a young school-ager and a toddler is real.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have the idea of hiring a sitter to help with these final hours until week eight. It’s obvious you’ll need a sitter if you have anything scheduled that requires you to leave home at night, but having someone to divvy up evening responsibilities is a hidden necessity. Once we started this evening help a few nights a week, I was able to finish out the season actually enjoying bedtime. 

The next place I found help was the grocery store. When I first found out about curbside pickup at HEB, I was thrilled. Then — oh, but then — I discovered Instacart. You. Guys. Instacart is a dream come true. No longer am I wasting my precious alone time shopping for or even picking up groceries. I can order them while my kids watch an episode of PJ Masks and have them delivered while I cook dinner. Heck. Yes. Worth every penny.

Reconnect, Reconnect, Reconnect

Extended travel is HARD on any marriage. Shoot, travel for any length can be a challenge. Find pockets of time throughout your day to check in with your spouse. It takes almost zero time to shoot a quick “How are ya?” text, but it means the world to know your partner-in-crime is thinking about you throughout the day. Out of of sight should not mean out of mind, so make sure he knows that. 

When your person gets home, be sure to set aside time to get a sitter and steal some one-on-one time. Reconnection is so, so important to sustain a marriage, especially one that includes lots of traveling. And FYI, Tuesday date nights are the best. Most sitters are available, bars and restaurants are basically empty, and the world is your oyster. #TheMoreYouKnow

Does your partner travel regularly? Leave your tips and tricks for sanity in the comments! 

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