There I was, scrolling through Instagram, minding my own business. Actually, that’s not true. That’s what Instagram is for, you know, minding other people’s business. But I ran across a picture of Kylie Jenner, holding a baby — HER baby. And while I seriously love babies, the child clothed in the fluffy white zipper suit with ears was not what caught my eye. Kylie was dressed in a camouflage tracksuit. Instantly I was confused. Then I looked down at her feet. She was wearing the strangest white sneakers. They were intentionally clunky (in the style of my 90-year-old grandmother, may she rest in peace).
I needed answers. A little Google search showed me that these shoes are very popular and very expensive. Is this the new style for moms? Or is this just the direction fashion is going overall? I needed clarification. So I took a screenshot and sent it to a friend with a teenager. I asked her to please have her daughter explain this outfit to me. And guess what? The teenager loved it. And that is when I realized that I will never be in style again.
I should clarify, I don’t
often ever look to the Kardashian crew for fashion and beauty advice. I do, however, like to look nice. I don’t want my wardrobe or my makeup to give away my 40-something mom-ness. We’ll let my neck wrinkles and tired eyes do that on their own. So occasionally I scroll through Pinterest or Instagram to see what the cool kids are wearing. And here’s what I am discovering: I will never be one of the cool kids. Maybe I never was. It’s hard to tell. But just beyond the thousands of “I need Jesus and coffee” shirts on Instagram, there is a whole world of fashion/looking good/beauty tips that I don’t understand.
So much microblading, lip injections, dermaplaning, mom jeans, jumpsuits, fuzzy slides (these are totally slippers, y’all) meant to be worn outside the house? I don’t follow. I like for my eyebrows to look nice, although you might not think so if you could see them right this second. But I can’t care enough about my eyebrows to get them tattooed on. Nobody is going to make tiny little cuts in my skin and fill them with ink so that my eyebrows look flawless. I just don’t have it in me. And the mom jeans? Those are perfect if you’d like to have what I lovingly refer to as “pancake booty.” But who wants pancake booty? Not I, girls. Not I.
As a mom, I can blame some of this on the fact that I spend the majority of my shopping time looking for things for my kids. I focus most of my attention on making sure they have clothes and shoes that fit. When I do shop for myself, I tend to focus on products and pieces that will stand the test of time. Those fuzzy slides will turn back into plain old slippers before you can say, “No, really, they’re shoes.” Those mom jeans will be in the Goodwill pile the next time you clean out the closet. I avoid the ultra-trendy items. Let me just tell you that I still have to do an Internet search to decide exactly how to roll my jeans when I wear them with booties. I am way behind the times.
But hey, that’s just me. I’m here to tell you that you should always do you. If mommy fashion trends head the way of Kylie Jenner, and you like clunky grandma sneakers, have at it. If you want to wear a culotte jumpsuit with some fuzzy slides, you go right ahead. I’m here to love and support. If I see you out at Target in your high fashion get-up, I promise to resist the urge to take a photo of your outfit to share with friends and family via social media. We mamas have to stick together. I promise to wave and smile. You’ll know me because I’ll be the one with the bad eyebrows and no pancake booty.