It’s not easy raising sensitive boys. My boys are creative, artistic, philosophical. They aren’t rough-and-tumble, sporty, or tough. And we live in a tough world. It’s hard raising sensitive boys and preserving their sensitive hearts. I don’t want them to feel inferior because of their sensitivity. I don’t want them to feel less manly. I want them to embrace their talents and to love themselves. I also want to protect them.
My youngest (10) is an artist. He loves drawing comics. He also loves to write. I asked him what he thought the pros and cons of being sensitive were, and he said, “I guess it’s that I get upset by the smallest insult, but I also get really happy about the smallest compliment.”
My middle son (13) is an actor. How many times do I hear “Be thankful you don’t have girls . . . they are so dramatic!” We have drama to spare over here. He’s very sensitive about being sensitive.
My oldest (15) is a musician and a film producer. He’s won awards for his videos. He says, “Being sensitive makes me more aware of global topics. When I see people who need help around the world, I want to help them because I feel bad for them. Being sensitive means you sympathize with others.” What he doesn’t like about being sensitive is that “emotions are triggered very easily. I get really upset easily. I get angry easily, but I also get happy really easily.”
Are You Raising a Sensitive Child?
Sensitive children become overwhelmed easily and feel emotions in a big way. They are easily overstimulated, and may throw tantrums. They may have sensory issues such as being bothered by loud noises or feeling uncomfortable in certain types of clothing, or may have food aversions. Activities that are meant for fun — such as birthday parties, holiday celebrations, and vacations — can be a source of anxiety for these kids, and they may react in a way that appears ungrateful or petulant.
Having sensitive children can also be a blessing. Sensitive children are often artistically inclined. They may love to draw, or may be especially musical. They are often deep thinkers, and care deeply for others. If you’re really lucky, like me, your sensitive child is super affectionate. Take a look at this questionnaire to see how your child scores for sensitivity.
Help Your Sensitive Children Cope
Let them know that it’s okay to have big feelings, but that they need to express them in appropriate ways. Society often tells boys they should behave in a certain way. The same is true for girls. Not all boys are athletic, and not all girls have a flare for the dramatic. Let your sensitive children know that it’s okay to cry. Help them label their emotions, and validate them by telling them that what they are experiencing is normal.
I have found with my own sensitive children that explaining to them that they are sensitive has also helped. They are well aware that their reactions to situations are often different to those of their peers. It helps them to understand that there is a reason. They can identify it and at least have peace that it can be explained if not controlled.
I want my boys to understand that being sensitive is a gift, but it’s one that comes with a price. If sensitive children don’t acquire good coping skills, anxiety and depression can become an issue. They have to work harder than many of their peers to process typical kid stuff, and that can wear them out. I don’t push extracurricular activities, and I make sure they have plenty of down time.
It’s sometimes hard for me because I don’t fully understand what they are going through. Sometimes I become impatient because I want them to react like a typical kid. But then I have a conversation with one of them that gives me a glimpse of his sweet heart and compassion for others, and I want him to hang on to that sweet side forever and ever.
Resources
- The Highly Sensitive Child by Dr. Elaine Aron
- The Highly Sensitive Person website
- The Sensory-Sensitive Child by Dr. Karen Smith
- Understanding the Highly Sensitive Child by James Williams
- The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel
Very helpful article. My only son who is 9, scored 21 on the given questionnaire. But it is so challenging to make ur kids understand that they r not wrong and being kind and sweet is OK.
Yes! It is a challenge, but you are absolutely right. It’s important to give them feedback and let them know again and again that what they are feeling is ok. Provide alternatives- instead of screaming at your little sister when you are angry, scream into your pillow. Providing acceptable ways for them to express their emotions empowers them.