If there’s one thing I know since becoming a mother, it’s that in three short months I have become a blowout expert. Unfortunately, I am not talking about hair. That particular skill I have yet to master. You see, my adorable son is not a normal pooper. Every bowel movement is an extravagant and dramatic event.
Every time it happens, it’s as though my son stands in front of the world, hands in the air for suspense, face as serious as ever shouting, “STOP THE PRESS! I, Hardin Everett, have pooped beyond my pants!”
Making Memories
I will never forget the very first time my husband and I experienced a blowout. It was Hardin’s first poo after the sticky meconium days (first poos out of the womb). My husband, Sam, was cuddled up with Hardin on our comfy grey couch in the living room. I was a few feet away in the kitchen washing dishes and smiling to myself as I listened to Sam tell Hardin how beautiful and precious he was to us. It was making my wittle heart grow a million times bigger.
The next thing I knew, I heard a very strange sound, a sound I had never heard before. The best description was a moist gurgling squishy noise which was followed with Sam’s shrieks of “OH MY GOSH! OH. MY. GOSH! LAUREN! S.O.S.! HELP! S.O.S.!” So, of course, I dropped all of the items in my hands and bee-lined it straight to the living room. I was completely flabbergasted by what I saw. Sam holding our sweet little bean, who was all the calm, covered neck to ankles in that mustard yellow seedy newborn poo. Sam had a look of complete disgust on his face. He was gagging, tongue out in full force. If this had been a movie, you would have heard the ER-ER-ER horror film noise in the background.
Sam stood to pass Hardin to me. As he stood, my eyes widened. Sam followed my gaze to his pants and shouted “AHHHH!!!! IT’S. ON. MY. PANTS!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!” Being the loving wife that I am, I immediately died laughing.
It was an event I will never forget. Our family’s first blowout, at it’s best.
A Blowout Master
From that moment, I have experienced more blowouts from my tiny guy than my pre-baby self would have ever thought possible, and, yes, I have tried MANY different brands of diapers. I’ve experienced coffee shop outing blowouts, freshly changed diaper blowouts, no diaper blowouts (talk about gagging), car seat blowouts, grocery store blowouts . . . you get the picture. All of these experiences have dubbed me as a certified blowout master. So, my expecting and new mommy/daddy friends, I am here to help you in this area by giving you the newborn poop wisdom I have gained in these past months.
- First of all, DON’T PANIC and STAY CALM. Baby feeds off of your energy. Cleaning a happy baby is much better than cleaning a grumpy babe.
- Onesies have those folded shoulders so you can pull the onesie down your baby’s body as opposed to over the head. Babies don’t want poo in the face!
- Wipe down and clean the poo off of your baby’s body before tackling the diaper. It will make the diaper portion easier to deal with, especially if you have a wiggly baby.
- ALWAYS put a clean diaper under your sweet baby before taking the dirty diaper off. Even if you’re sure baby has gotten all of the nasty out of his or her system, chances are you’re wrong. Let me tell you from experience, babies can shoot poo like none other! Also, babies will pee on you. It’s easier to have that clean diaper there to whip up real fast to catch that pee.
- Triple up on wipes for the initial diaper wipe down. Trust me, you don’t want a hand covered in pooh, especially if you’re having to use it to move wiggly baby limbs. It negates the hard work you did cleaning up baby’s body!
- When traveling, you will definitely want some sort of plastic, portable diaper changing pad. It’s quick and easy to wipe down once you’ve changed the baby. Also, bring an extra outfit for baby wherever you go (or two or three) and an extra outfit for yourself! I always keep extra outfits in my car. Better safe than sorry!
So, my expecting and new parent friends, when your most precious newborn explodes from his or her diaper for the first time, know that it will not be the last. Remember, you are not alone. We are in this together. Soon, you too will be a certified blowout expert. 🙂
Certified Blowout Expert Parents, what was your first blowout experience like?! Any advice you’d like to add to the list for newbies?!
very cute! well written and made me giggle!!
Oh how I remember those days! My very first massive public blowout happened at my cousin’s house right after her mom’s viewing. Thankfully I was surrounded by family and a lot of great friends! I was wearing her and it went shooting down my leg and all over the floor. We had been talking to my Uncle’s bird when this happened and he, always being inappropriate, kept talking about how that bird scared the sh*t out of that baby!
I finally settled on Pampers for both of my babes and another suggestion is to go ahead and move up a size when you are having frequent blowouts. Unfortunately, I think this kind of pooping is more normal than you think! It was a good 6 months until they started solids before it got much better. 🙂
My first born blew out all her diapers. Once, it happened in the car, during a 30 minute car ride to the photographer for one year pictures. I had no change of clothes. We stuffed paper towels down the back of her pants, cleaned her up the best we could and took pictures anyway.
Oh I had the blow out kid too! So glad to hear I am not the only one. Nobody had ever seen anything like my kid,lol! You know what I finally did? Bought diapers so big they pretty much came up to her arm pits!! ??
Cloth diaper covers! We use cloth at home, which pretty much prevents blowouts but we use covers over disposables too when we’re out and about. My 2nd daughter only goes every few days, pretty much guaranteeing a blowout, but the covers hold it all in! The elastic waist makes all the difference.