When I first heard about Love and Logic, I was beyond intrigued, and I was desperate to understand how to handle discipline better in our house. My husband and I come from very differently disciplined households. When we started discipling our daughter Fiona, we found ourselves at odds with each other. Inevitably, one of us would yell or get angry and Fiona would get even more frustrated and upset. Then my husband and I would argue about what we had done wrong. I knew there had to be a better way for my husband and me, and for our children.
The Love and Logic website states:
“Love and Logic is a philosophy of raising and teaching children which allows adults to be happier, empowered, and more skilled in the interactions with children. Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows children to live with the consequences of their choices. Love and Logic is a way of working with children that puts parents and teachers back in control, teaches children to be responsible, and prepares young people to live in the real world, with its many choices and consequences.”
For us, this means having tools to use that teach us how to manage our anger and have a consistent plan no matter what happens. Let me give an example: When children are young, you start out by saying a phrase that tells them they are doing something wrong. For us, it is “uh oh.” If the child continues to misbehave, we say, “So sad,” and then there are consequences. By staying consistent, our girls know exactly what we mean and what will happen, and we never have to question what to do as parents.
Love and Logic also encourages us to teach our children about choices and consequences at an early age. This is probably my favorite part of Love and Logic because it translates beyond childhood through the teens and into adulthood. By teaching them about choices and consequences now, the hope is that when they face tough choices that could gravely affect their lives, they will be able to weigh the consequences.
As small children, we give our girls easy choices making sure that the choices are something we can live with. For instance, at dinner, I may allow them to choose between broccoli or peas or when getting dressed in the morning, between the pink dress or the green one. I even let them choose which chores they wish to do.
These choices extend to “you can choose to sit here and eat your dinner, or you can not eat and be hungry later.” Inevitably, my supremely stubborn 4 year old will choose to be hungry, but later when she’s hungry, we reiterate that she made the choice.
On the other side of things, Love and Logic has helped me check my words, requests, and promises. If I don’t follow through, my children will not believe anything I say. If I promise my child something, I need to live up to that promise no matter how small. I think this is one of our biggest struggles as parents. It’s easy to promise something in the moment and forget to follow through, but if you do, your children will learn to respect you and respect all that you say, even requests for better behavior.
These are just the basics but they have helped us greatly. I feel like our general level of stress surrounding discipline diminished when we began using Love and Logic. It has also helped us manage expectations with our girls. They know what to expect from us, and we know what to expect from them. There is respect and love in our house.
If you are interested in learning more about Love and Logic, I highly recommend visiting the website and reading some of its articles. These are also two really great books for getting started: Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood and Parenting with Love and Logic.
Caroline Hull is a wife, mom, and owner of a stationery company, Caroline Creates. Originally from Fort Worth, Texas, Caroline now resides in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband Chris and daughters Fiona and Maeve. When she’s not juggling being a stay at home mom to two littles, you can find Caroline running her business with an extra large coffee in hand and finding inspiration from the beautiful world around her. Caroline blogs about business, being green, and stationery over at www.carolinecreates.com.
