10 Lies About Motherhood You Don’t Have to Believe

1. There’s no use crying over spilt milk. Listen-whoever said this must not know how much milk costs! Because when your kid spills 8 oz of organic Milk it IS worth it to CRY. That’s at the very least $1.70 on the ground. Spilt milk=a grande drip coffee on the ground. Uh-uh. I’m crying. And you should, too. Pent up sadness and frustration is bad for you. Do it. Don’t even get me started about spilt breast milk.

2. When you have your own kids, bodily fluids won’t gross you out. I have gagged more times in the last 4 years of my life than the 30 leading up to childbirth. Kids are gross, y’all.

3. If you read the right book, your babies will sleep all night long. I ACTUALLY wrote a blog entitled My Kid Sleeps Like A Champ. Smug, much? First kid slept like a champ. Second kid slept like a…she didn’t. Didn’t sleep. I still stand by MOST of what I said in my post. BUT you can do it all “right” and have a non-sleeper. It is what it is.

4. Your 2 year old should be potty trained. I keep saying this-you cannot force potty training! Everyone still does. Someday, the proverbial “they” will give me the Nobel Peace Prize in Potty Training-because the battle with your child is NOT worth it. They will potty when they are ready.

5. Preschool is the only way to socialize your kid. Y’all this is 2014. We ALLLLLL know that the best way to socialize our kids is to just get them their own Facebook and Twitter accounts for their first birthdays. DUH! Well, maybe on second thought, it’s preschool. Preschool will socialize our kids. Oh wait, no, I mean 5 weekly play dates. Yeah, that’s it.

I just want to know how on Earth people did respectable things like write books, make scientific discoveries, and invent computers without first getting socialized. I bet they were picking their boogers and licking their fingers and pushing their friends because apparently only moms in 2014 know how to make sure their kids learn the right social skills. Man, thank goodness preschool, Facebook, and playdates got invented. Our parent’s generation are basically Neanderthals. I bet Einstein and Beetoven and Louisa May Alcott would have been way WAY more successful if they’d gotten socialized before they changed the world.

6. Enjoy every moment/You will miss this. Remember when it took a week for our kitchen to NOT smell like throw up? I miss that. Oh man…I REALLY MISS THAT. Remember that phase when your youngest screamed and cried ALL.DAY.LONG?  You don’t have to enjoy it all. Laugh at it all-yes. Enjoy. Eh…overrated.

7. Breastfeeding is Nirvana. Well…it’s not and it is. So there…

8. Just get through the terrible twos and then you’re fine. The terrible twos are nothing! No one tells you about the even more terrible threes!

9. Bedtime is a precious time of snuggles. Girl. This is not true. If everyone in your house is screaming at 6pm, it’s ok. You aren’t alone. I bet the house next door sounds the same way. Just because your random mom friend posts a cute snuggly kid pic on Instagram at nighttime, it doesn’t mean her house is peaceful at 6pm. Homegirl took that pic at 7am before they got dressed for the day.

10. It’s ok to focus on the kids…my spouse and I will have our whole lives together. Obviously, we need to focus on our children a lot! But the relationships with our significant others are what MADE these little children.  Those other people, are our best friends-the ones in it for the long haul. Love your person well, now and tomorrow. Our littles are more affected by this than we know!

The point is…parenthood looks different for everyone. Laugh at yourself, think outside of the box, and carry on awesome mama!

What is a motherhood myth you would like to debunk?