Confessions of a Big Kid

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The first thing people notice about my 16-month-old son Christopher is the same thing people first notice about me: We are BIG! Actually, the first thing most people notice about my son is his glorious curly hair, but his size is a close second. At his recent 15-month check up, his pediatrician told us he is “slightly taller than the average two-year-old.” He also estimated his adult height as, and I quote, “Umm, tall?”

And it’s really no surprise. We come from big people — and by that I mean both tall and sturdy. No one has ever suggested that we are petite or delicate. We forge our own personal growth charts! Which, to be honest, can have some challenges . . . and advantages. While part of me rejoices to see my little man healthy and growing like a weed, the little girl inside of me has mixed feelings based on my own experiences as the “big kid.”

Confessionsof a BIG KidYou know you’re the “big kid” if . . .

  • Both adults and other children expect that you’re much older than you are — and, in many cases, that you are also underdeveloped mentally, socially, emotionally, and in terms of physical coordination. I’ve already noticed that kids and parents look curiously when Christopher can’t respond to their questions. After all, a kid solidly in his twos is usually speaking relatively well, not simply mastering his first dozen words.
  • You’re constantly being recruited for sports in which you may or may not have any talent. I am 6’1,” and I have never been good at basketball or volleyball. But if I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked if I am, I’d never work again! Don’t get me wrong, we joke about our son’s future NBA career as our “retirement plan,” but we can see some future challenges too. It’s not a popular position in Texas, but we have decided for health reasons not to let our son play tackle football in the future. But, gosh if he won’t have to manage some pressure from coaches and peers as he grows up.
  • Clothes shopping can be, well, rough. This becomes a bigger challenge when big kids become big teens and adults — but even for younger kiddos, it can be tough to wear a larger size than all of your peers. After all, we live in our very size-conscious and in many cases size-shaming culture. In some ways, I think my son may have it easier here because he’s a boy. Speaking from personal experience, growing up as a girl, who is bigger than all her friends (including all the boys), can lead to some pretty hurtful comments. And, as a parent, I’m increasingly aware that these comments can contribute to negative body image and damaging eating behaviors that last well into adulthood if they aren’t managed appropriately.
  • You just can’t “fit” in a lot of ways your peers seem to. It may seem silly, but from a kid’s perspective, fitting in is a big deal. And part of fitting in means not standing out. Big kids don’t usually have this option. Not to mention we are at a true disadvantage when it comes to games like hide and seek!

But it isn’t all bad. In fact, over the years my size has taught me how to . . .

  • Rise to the occasion! Because people treated me as older than I was, I had the opportunity to “rise to the occasion,” as my parents say. Because it was expected of me, I had the encouragement to try out more advanced words and behave in more mature ways than I might have otherwise. In some ways, I think it also led to teachers and adults subconsciously putting me in leadership roles early on, and I look forward to that for my kiddo.
  • See the humor in assumptions. While I get the basketball question from strangers almost daily, it doesn’t irritate me anymore. Rather, it’s given me the chance to develop witty retorts and engage in conversations with people I might never speak with otherwise. So while I hope my son is a talented athlete, if he’s as uncoordinated as me, I hope he can learn how to deflect false assumptions with humor and grace.
  • Be comfortable in your own skin . . . most of the time. Nearly everyone encounters some body insecurity growing up. But being the “big kid” forces the issue to the foreground. Here’s where parents can go a long way to helping kiddos see how their bodies are strong, beautiful, and valuable no matter their size. At the same time, I plan to be very open with my son about the struggles I encountered as a result of my size growing up. From my perspective, it’s equally important to validate the difficult emotions and to encourage positive body image.
  • Stand out! Standing out may be difficult as a child or teen, but it can also have its advantages (especially when you get older). Being big has a way of making you memorable. And because of this, big kids have the opportunity to get comfortable with their natural ability to stand out earlier in life. This means that by the time they make it to their first school play tryout or job interview, they don’t feel as anxious being in the spotlight. Not to mention, they can more quickly get to the business of letting their non-physical qualities shine.

 

 

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Laura
Graduate school brought Laura from her beloved home state of Colorado to Texas (hard to beat the Rocky Mountains!), and meeting her beloved husband Jonathan convinced her to settle here. Now the two are overjoyed and exhausted parents to sweet Christopher (2015) and a little girl on the way (2017). In addition to her role as a mama, she also works full time as a clinical psychologist working with military veterans who continue to amaze her with their strength and humor. When she’s not busy juggling career and parenthood, you can find her cycling, enjoying local culture (and food!), baking, “hiking,” and embracing her love of travel.

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