The term “momager” has been in the news a lot lately — and without giving any more publicity to the source (that family doesn’t need any more anyway) — I did think, “Well, that is a fairly accurate, catch-all term for this motherhood gig.” A heck of a lot more exact than “stay-at-home mom” since, really, when was the last time you just stayed at home?
We moms manage big lives, little lives, big problems, and little problems on any given day. Most of us have experience in the work place managing other grown ups and probably were at least adept in doing so. Momaging is just parlaying those skills at home, right? Managing and momaging can’t be that different, can they? Allow me.
HOURS
{manager}
40 hour week.
{momager}
40 hour days.
DRESS CODE
{manager}
Suits, starched collars, and power pumps below a perfectly coiffed head of hair and fresh, matte makeup.
{momager}
Daytime pajamas or workout wear, all of which are perfectly acceptable for work-related outings. Ponytails are a given, and tinted moisturizer and chapstick (you know, the tube that’s been melted and remelted in your car’s cupholder for years) if you’re feeling fancy. Like, Central Market fancy.
NECESSARY SKILLS
{manager}
College degree, and years of learning the ins and outs of your trade. Strong leadership, ability to multitask and delegate, organization, and trustworthiness are a must.
{momager}
In an instant, you’re entrusted with a life (or lives), and no amount of reading, babysitting, or being the cool aunt can provide enough preparation for what lies ahead. Your on-the-job training will demand a whole new level of multitasking and delegation, and your leadership skills will be tested when trying to coerce an ornery, teething 10-month-old to lay down on the changing pad long enough to finish changing his OHDEARLORD messy diaper. Again. For the fifth time this morning. Mouth breathing and strong gag reflexes, quick showering, even quicker bottle preparation, experience in terrorist/hostage negotiation, cartoon character impersonating, lost paci/lovey finding, light sleeping, heavy duty cleaning, and quick wine bottle cork removal are musts.
COWORKERS
{manager}
Your days will be filled with a team with whom you bounce around ideas, create strategies, and work together towards a common goal. HR hires, fires, and regulates the work place environment with policies and procedures to which everyone must adhere. When the boss is upset, you scramble to find a professional way to impress him or her.
{momager}
Your days will also be filled with a team with whom you bounce around ideas, create strategies, and work together towards a common goal. Most days these team members are Starbucks drive-thru barista, your best friend on Facetime, and the really useful engines on the Island of Sodor. Together, you pull off the ultimate goal: Survive another day. Because there is no HR department, policies and procedures can and will change at a moment’s notice. Thank goodness, because sleep training twins is a lesson in NOPE, WHAT’S NEXT? When your boss or bosses are upset, you also scramble to find a way to cheer them up — and usually a quick fling in the air, tickle on the belly, or bite of whatever you’re eating does the trick.
DATA ENTRY
{manager}
The time-consuming, often dreaded part of the job that requires spreadsheets, focus, and attention to detail.
{momager}
Pronounced “dada” entry in the field of momagement, this is the time of the day when your co-manager comes home from work to immediately happy, adorable little ones. It doesn’t matter if five minutes earlier they were screaming, crying, and throwing everything in sight; when dada walks in the door, they’re angels. Which leads to “dada” analysis, such as “Why did you text me ‘#allofthewine’ earlier? These guys are being so good today!”
PERKS
{manager}
A vast, natural-light soaked office is a great incentive, as are stock options, company cars, and fancy trips and meals.
{momager}
A cozy, natural-light soaked nursery with a perfect little sleeping baby you get to love on day and night is pretty special, as are midday snuggles, park trips, exploring, and watching their little selves come to fruition. Momagers get to enjoy these perks while driving their sensible SUVs, eating leftover lunch crumbles from highchairs and bibs, and sweating their way through playdates and well-child checkups.
Managing is one thing, but momaging is next level. Our days might be more messy, disorganized, and chaotic than in an office setting, but the benefits far outweigh the negatives. Our work is most certainly our passion — and isn’t that what we all look for in our dream job?
What skill set do you think a successful momager needs? How do you measure success in momagement?
