Table for One, Please: The Art of the Self-Date

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Mama to three sweet children Liz took herself out for dinner. The caption says it all.
Mama to three sweet children Liz took herself out for dinner. The caption says it all.

Hey mamas, remember being alone? Alone . . . ah, yes, alone . . . back when you could even shut the door to the bathroom or make it from one end of the house to the other without someone calling “Mooo-oom!” Those were the days.

As moms, we are hardly ever alone. Sure, there’s the occasional errand run or salon visit or exercise routine . . . but these are few, far-between, short-lived, and likely rushed. Being alone is fleeting and rare.

Yet, even when we get alone time (read: time away from our kiddos), we often opt to spend it with others. We hold date nights, girls’ night out, catch up with friends and colleagues, participate in various clubs and committees, thanking goodness all the while for some quality adult time. There’s value and purpose to all, but I am here to suggest that you add one more activity to that list: a self-date.

My first self-date was back in college when Star Wars: The Phantom Menace came out (I’m dating myself, I realize . . . see what I did there?). None of my girlfriends were really into Star Wars, but I absolutely had to see the movie. I weighed the options: a few moments of embarrassment at the ticket counter and perhaps during the previews (“Look at that poor, friendless girl!”) vs. missing THE MOVIE EVENT OF THE YEAR. When the lights came up in the theater, I didn’t regret my choice. In fact, I found great comfort in breaking away from life for a few hours.

Over the years, I moved on from movies to meals at the bar to meals at a table for one to concerts and even sporting events. I relish the chance to sit with myself and explore my own inner dialogue, consider my own opinions, make my own plans, and curate my own reflections.

Photo (7)So, I’m a loner, mommies, a rebel. I find great strength and freedom in modeling to my daughters that I am not afraid to do things on my own, that I am good enough company for myself, and that I don’t need to surround myself with others in order to enjoy the goodness that is life.

Some of you may be thinking: Well, that sounds lovely, Alison, but I just know that the minute I get out the door, the Mommy Guilt will set in. Ditch the guilt! As I see it, one must work on herself to be of value to others – and this is me working on me . . . and you working on you. Sometimes after a self-date, I’m more self-aware. Other times, I’m more organized or grounded. But always, I am better than I was – a better mother, friend, and partner to those I care for most.

My friend, Jennifer Jo, is mama to one beautiful toddler with another baby on the way. She points out that it is important to take yourself on dates that are usually meant for two people - getting your hair done or going to the grocery store alone doesn't count!
My friend, Jennifer Jo, is mama to one beautiful toddler with another baby on the way. She points out that it is important to take yourself on dates that are usually meant for two people – getting your hair done or going to the grocery store alone doesn’t count!

You can do this, too.

Yes, you can – even those of you with very young children or those who may be intimidated by the very idea of eating alone in a restaurant. You can start with a movie, as I did, or perhaps on your next errand run, stop to have lunch by yourself. Too much, too soon? Next time you carry dinner out, go to the restaurant and order it in person and enjoy a glass of wine or tea while you wait.

Bring a book if it helps, or your Kindle, or perhaps a journal to write. Just be sure to sit down and enjoy your own thoughts and some silence (or noise to which you don’t have to respond). I promise that after your self-date, you will return to your life and loved ones with renewed patience and perspective . . . even though you still won’t be able to shut the bathroom door. Someday, mamas, someday.

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Alison
Ali wasn’t born in Texas, but got here as fast as she could. A native Chicagoan, Ali arrived on the scene in Fort Worth in 2008 kicking and screaming, but settled right into her cowboy boots and couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. Ali is proud to be Mama to sweet Alexis (2003) and little diva Clara (2005) who make every day an adventure with their wisecracking ways and endless antics. Between dance parties with her little ladies and her career as an instructional designer for a major retailer, you’ll often find Ali running along the Trinity River, at the ballpark cheering on the Texas Rangers, or in her kitchen whipping up new creations and snarky observations for her blog, Kitchenpants!

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