Last week, my husband went out of town to a conference for a very long weekend. Brandi wrote an excellent post about how to survive when Daddy travels, and though we don’t experience travel nearly as much as she does, I found myself trying to cling to some of her advice throughout his “vacation.” Nevertheless, I did what many young moms do: I packed up the car and made the long trip to visit my parents.
Let’s be honest; traveling to visit the grandparents when you are down one person to parent does not always make things easier. Don’t get me wrong; our sweet pea has the best grandparents on the planet, who want nothing more than to help and support. But I recall a very wise friend once saying that going out of town, whatever the reason, is no longer a vacation. It just means I have to parent and entertain without my stuff. Over the course of those five days (and one very long drive back to Fort Worth), I considered the trials of the single mom.
Disclaimer: I recognize that there are a variety of people who I could (and should) acknowledge and honor–single dads, women whose spouses travel frequently or for long periods of time, divorcees, widows, etc. As a mom, I only know how to write from the perspective of a mom, and therefore have chosen to write from that voice to the single mom. Some of what I say may apply to other people and circumstances, but mostly I have a seemingly random compilation of thoughts as a result of my five days without daddy.
I am tired of thinking about what my child will eat. Though daddy is at work for most meals, and I have agreed to do the meal planning and grocery shopping in our house, I can’t imagine having to make that decision every day for every meal.
Driving for long periods of time in the car without a partner to hand a paci/sippy/toy/cracker to the little fusser in the backseat is agonizing. And it likely means it will take you two more hours to arrive at your destination, as you had to make 10 stops to gather up said paci/sippy/toy/cracker from the floor of the car.
Empty houses late at night can feel a little eerie.
As a work-from-home mom, I have to be diligent to keep balance and accomplish all the tasks for the day. I find great relief in knowing there is a second income being added to mine, as well as a second set of hands to empty the trash, do the dishes, and wipe toilets. Oh how I despise cleaning toilets.
Sometimes a pat on the back or a “well done, Mama” is all I need. I realized the other day that though my sweet one year-old can give hugs and kisses, most of my day is spent getting fussed at. Didn’t anyone teach her she should be affirming me as a mom? And why, at one year old, does she not have the capacity to reason as I explain to her why her fussing is useless. It is hard when there is no one around to remind you that you are a good mom, especially on the hard and trying days.
“Me” time is impossible for any mother, but when there is not a second parent, I imagine finding a way to schedule it in can be such a challenge.
Friendships are so important. I have been carried by my husband through the dark days of my new role as a mother, and a price cannot be put on the value of having mom friends who can relate, offer advice, or, at least, a bottle of wine. I hope that you have a clan that supports you and loves your family well.
You, my single mom friend, are a force to be reckoned with. There is no pity in my voice, only deep respect. Regardless of our relationship statuses, there are many more things that bind us than separate us. We are all moms. So many of the struggles, joys, worries, and fears that I experience on a daily basis are the same ones you carry. I recognize that my experience is in no way all-encompassing to the day-to-day experience of a full-time single mom, but the long short weekend allowed me to spend a little extra time contemplating on how I might feel if this were my everyday.
What are some of your toughest parenting challenges? How can we better encourage single moms?
