Flushing "Potty Training" Down the Toilet

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Let it be known-before I had kids, I was an awesome mom. I had it all together. My kids ate healthy food. They did not throw tantrums in public. They slept well and were easily potty trained.

But those were my imaginary kids. In real life, motherhood has not been quite so seamless and much more humbling. And my oldest is (drumroll)…strong-willed. This will come in handy someday when she’s running the country, I’m sure. However, in potty training season it’s well…it’s something. Needless to say, I resonate with Emily’s plea that potty training does not always follow this easy textbook method as some might claim.

Potty Training

When my big girl turned 2, I knew potty training with her would be a battle. So I did what any self-respecting mother of a strong-willed child would do; I rolled up my sleeves and made myself a cup of coffee. I was pregnant and honestly, back arching on the potty was not a battle I wanted to fight. Β So, I decided to wait it out.

Going #1

About once a week a nonchalant “Wanna sit on the potty?”Β was met with a resounding “NO!” Β 

After about 6 months of the above (and on vacation), big girl started using the potty unprovoked. We cheered. We bought pull-ups. She wore underwear. We’ve had 5 real accidents in almost 10 months. Sometimes she’s in underwear, sometimes she’s in pull-ups (mostly because I’m terrified of a public accident) but the results are the same: pee goes in the potty.

Braving #2

This is a totally different beast. To say my kid is TENACIOUS is an understatement. Don’t try to bribe her with chocolate milk, the promise of toys, or even actual real toys. She doesn’t care. And you know what – this mama is NOT cleaning out poopy underwear. Nope, not doing it. When #2 for the day is out of the way, we switch to underwear.

Once she accidentally went to the bathroomΒ on the potty while playing an iPhone game, but she’s hasn’t been tricked into doing THAT again (even though it was followed by much cheering and a present).

Unclaimed poop prizes.
Unclaimed poop prizes.

What I’m learning

Maybe some people have mastered the one week method or the 3-day naked thing or whatever. BUT I really think most kids need two things to master the potty: time and desire. When those two things align, “potty training” works. Without those two things it’s just “mommy training.”

I say this all the time, but kids are different. They mature at different paces and have different wills. Judging is an easy thing to slip into when you don’t have a strong-willed child – I know, I’ve done it. Why isn’t that kid potty trained? She’s THREE!!Β Β I worked daycare for years and we forced kids to be potty trained by three. There were always a few that we’d get really annoyed with because they were always having accidents. Now I look back and think that most likely, those kids just weren’t ready yet….kind of like my 3-year-old. She’s just not all the way there yet. And I’m not worried about it-because I know that when sheΒ wants to, she’ll use the potty all the time.Β Strong willed children cannot beΒ forcedΒ into milestones. They just can’t.Β So choosing battles is essential.

So, mamas of strong-willed kids, I guess what I want to say is: it’sΒ ok. It’s ok if your kid just isn’t ready yet. You don’t have to worry about the other kids (or worse, the other moms). It’s not worth the tears and the staying home and the messes and the exhaustion. Know thy kid. Relax. Be patient. Drink some coffee. Your kid will eventually use the potty and may still even get into college and run the country.

 

We all know the praises – but tell us, what potty training woes are part of your story?

10 COMMENTS

  1. Anna, you are right on the button on this one. Our 21 year old son is strong willed, yes still, and at about the age of 3, HE decided that it was time to use the potty. We never looked back. He did the same thing with his pacifier, just decided he was done with it, rolled down the window in the car and through it out. Never ask for it again. Hang in there, She will grow up and I’ll vote for her.

    • Thanks, Joe! I always think if my second child had been my first, I’d be a smug mom. But alas, C is my humbling agent!! πŸ™‚ She’s so funny-we’ll say “if you eat this or that, you can have this or that…” She’ll respond with “I don’t need it, I’m full.” Haha!!

  2. Jonny was almost 4 before he was potty trained, because he didn’t really care one way or the other. One morning, we were out of diapers and it was too busy, so Mom told him he would have to wear underwear and he said, “Okay”. And that was that. πŸ˜‰

  3. All kids are different, and develop at varying rates. My oldest daughter is strong willed as well…and it was a struggle to potty train her – until she was ready. Our second daughter isn’t as stubborn, but is taking longer to train…go figure!

  4. Ann, we used these helpful tips at first but even after using them and many other resources we still had a hard time training my boys. I came across this site that showed my wife and I how to potty train our son within three days and it was even guaranteed. . . There were some great techniques and helpful information there that I felt compelled to share with others. We’ve been trying to potty train my son for the last six weeks with no luck, Googling potty training was turning up outdated techniques and some of them we believe were even harmful. Until we came across this site, that a friend of my wife’s told us about and within three days it worked. We followed the instructions and “eureka” we found a successful formula. I just felt that others might have been in the same place me and my wife were last week. So I hope this helps and good luck with your training…. O’ almost forgot here’s the site: http://www.ThreeDaysPottyTraining.com

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