Passionate About Fort Worth
and the Moms Who Live Here

You Are Not A Bad Mom If…

There is no job on Earth that leads to as much guilt, second guessing, and craziness as does motherhood. I now think these things daily:

“WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?”

“AM I MESSING THIS UP??”

“I need some chocolate.”

Ok, well, I have always needed chocolate…but I never second guessed myself so much before I quit my job to stay home.  Starting at conception, being a mom is HARD. And there is no handbook or college degree for awesome mom-ness. There is ONLY on-the-job-training  and maybe an apprenticeship situation if  you happen to have rockin’ parents.  But there is this weird societal pressure do be perfect and I just don’t think it’s necessary. SO, I’ve composed the following list:

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM IF…

1. You don’t have an immaculate nursery ready to go and post on Facebook at 7 months of pregnancy. My friends kept asking “is your nursery finished?” Nope, not with either kid. And you know what? They didn’t notice…because they were babies and babies don’t notice much, except for…well…boobs.  Immaculate nurseries are great, if you like them and enjoy decorating. But if you don’t…they don’t determine your adequacy.

This is what my girls' room looked like the day we came home with #2. We got a mattress 3 months later.

This is what my girls’ room looked like the day we came home with #2. We got a mattress 3 months later.

2. You don’t breastfeed. Breastfeeding is a very personal decision. I have breastfed both of my girlies. Nursing number one was beyond challenging for 10 months, while number two has nursed easily past a year. But some women really struggle, or don’t produce milk, or have to go back to work, or fight infection, or have babies in the NICU (I could go on).  If you are one of those women, your child will be fine and will do just as well in life as breast-fed babies.

3.  Your baby doesn’t crawl/sprout teeth/talk/use the potty “on time.”  Our kiddos hit milestones at different paces, period. It’s ok. It’s hard not to worry, but worrying won’t will our children to do anything. Control won’t either. My littlest crawled (yes crawled) on her first birthday. She’s fine. She’s behind schedule, but it’s not the end of the world. Our children’s milestones, early or late, having nothing to do with us.  They are loose standards written and rewritten by pediatricians.

4. Your child throws a temper tantrum at Target. Do you remember pre-children when you judged moms at Target for their screaming kids? Oh, you didn’t? Yes you did, don’t lie. Well, that is now me at Target, with a spirited 3-year-old, who is also really fast.  As moms, we have to learn very quickly (often in public) that our children’s will doesn’t always coincide with our will for them. This is also not a reflection on us, but rather just a revelation that our mom game plan might need some tweaking and a favorite toy might need to say sayonara for the day (insert chosen discipline tactic).

5. You let your kid watch TV when it’s been a rough day. A LITTLE TV NEVER HURT ANY OF US! I’m not advocating all day TV watching. I’m just saying…it’s ok if the day is going poorly (or even if it’s going well), and your kid wants to watch some Super Why. It’s ok to put your feet up next to them and space off. You are not a bad mom.

If you love your children and are striving to be your very best-you are a good  mom. Now take a deep breath and eat some chocolate.

 

What can you add to my list? You are not a bad mom if… 

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6 Responses to You Are Not A Bad Mom If…

  1. LHerrington June 18, 2013 at 1:54 pm #

    Great post Anna! You are so right. There is nothing that has been more challenging, stretching or rewarding than motherhood. I feel like I second guess everything and struggle with guilt over some aspect of almost every decision I make for my kids. We need to show ourselves some grace and encourage each other in all the things we are doing right instead of beating ourselves up about the “wrong.”

    • Anna B. June 18, 2013 at 3:27 pm #

      Amen. And I have a sneaking suspicion that Facebook and Pinterest are not making us any more graceful with ourselves….maybe I should write about unplugging for a while!

      • Emily Strong June 18, 2013 at 4:22 pm #

        Unplugging, ACCEPT for reading Fort Worth Moms Blog 😉

  2. Emily Strong June 18, 2013 at 3:31 pm #

    if……you feed your kid processed food (sometimes those little snack bags of goodies are just too easy to not have in your diaper bag).
    if……you use gummy fruit snacks to bribe your children into being good.
    if……you don’t always like being a mommy. It is a tough job. As with any job, we don’t like it all the time. It is okay to say that!

    Great post, Anna! Love the one about the nursery – I was right there with you both times (last minute throwing it together, thanks to my mother coming to visit both times).

  3. Cindy Harrison June 20, 2013 at 10:47 pm #

    Great post! Thankful you’re wonderful mom, as is CB and GA! I’m now singing Mr. Rogers “I’m Proud Of You” in my head to you:)

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